A fishy tale

My kids have been dying for a pet for a long time, and with the diagnosis of Alex being allergic to cats and dogs we were only left with one option, fish.  I told them that once we got moved and settled in that we would go ahead and get them some fish.

So, after putting it off for as long as possible, I finally caved and took them to get fish.  Of course, several days before hand we set up the tank and made sure that we took a sample of the water with us for testing before buying any fish.  The water came back perfect so we went ahead and picked our fishy friends.  The kids decided on Glow Tetras.  We ended up with eight of them altogether; 2 purple (for Haley), 2 orange (for Cory), 2 green (for Alex) and 2 pink (for Emily).

The fish were doing great in their new home, but about two weeks after their arrival, one of the green ones went MIA.  I mean, we looked everywhere in that tank and could not find a dead fish or any remains anywhere.  Alex was super upset.  I told him that after Christmas we would look into getting him another one, but that I wanted to wait and make sure that the others continued to do well first.

Fast forward a couple more weeks and woke up to two more dead fish.  That same afternoon two more died.  So now we're down to 1 purple, 1 orange and a pink.  Well, we took a sample of the water in and found out that the ammonia was too high.  Most likely caused by my kids overfeeding the fish.  :-(  The last remaining pink fish was having a super hard time swimming in the tank before we left and actually went stiff at one point, so I grabbed the net to fish him out, prepared to flush him because I thought he was dead, but as the net reached the top of the tank he began moving again.  I left him in the net at the top of the tank, just below the surface of the water since that seemed to be helping him.  I feared that by the time we got back, he would be dead as well.  But, to our amazement, he was still fighting.  We had purchased some special ammonia neutralizer that changes the ammonia from a harmful state to a non harmful state.  So we added it to the tank and crossed our fingers that it would help.  We left the pink fish in the net overnight praying that he would be better in the morning.  The purple and orange fish were still hanging tough, but the orange one had started to swim on his side once we had returned from the pet store.

By the next morning, the purple and orange fish were doing much better.  The pink one was still hanging tough, but you could see that he was definitely still struggling to stay alive.  I would let him out of the net for a bit to see how he was doing, but he was really struggling so I placed him back in the net at the top of the tank.  He stayed up there for another 24 hours.

The next morning, he was doing much better, so we let him out of the net.  That's when we saw it, half of his tail fin was missing!  He was swimming much better than he had been in the days prior, but you could tell that he was still having a hard time.  We kept an eye on him though and he kept on fighting.  A few hours later my kids came downstairs and told me that they were checking on him and noticed that the other half of his tail fin was missing.  But somehow, he was still swimming.

This little fish has inspired us.  Even though he was on the brink of death and even though he is completely missing his tail fin, he is still fighting, still living.  Watching him in the tank we also noticed that the purple fish was assisting him with getting to the top of the tank to get food. 

We decided it was time to name the remaining fish.  So, the kids named the purple one "Spaz" because when you turn the tank light on he spazzes out.  The orange one is the smallest of the three, so they named him "Pip" (short for Pip Squeak).  The pink one has been named "Winter" after the dolphin from the movie.  Cory even asked if they could make him a prosthetic like the one in the movie, but for our fish.  I told him that would be awesome, but that would be a really small prosthetic.

Today, we added one new green fish (for Alex) and he named him "Fin".  We also added a Plecostomus that the kids named "Sucker". 

 This is "Fin"

 This is "Spaz"

This is "Winter"

 This is "Pip"

 This is "Sucker"

 

We are so inspired by the determination of Winter.  He really is showing us how overcome the most impossible of situations.  It's like Dory says, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."  Well Winter, just keep swimming little buddy!  -- I've been reading up on fish a lot lately and I'm inspired by the knowledge that our little Winter should have no issues re-growing his tail fin.  :-)

Sick kiddo

It's super late, but I've been dealing with a sick munchkin today and just haven't really had a lot of time to sit down and type something up.  Hopefully my little guy can get some rest and feel better in the morning.  And I'm praying that none of the other kids get whatever he has because it's never any fun to sick, but is really no fun to be sick on Christmas. 

I got a lot accomplished today, but still have loads more to get done; Being a mom is a never-ending job.  I have to make a trip onto the base tomorrow to pick up Alex's allergy medications.  Then I really do need to get those sugar cookies made so the kids can decorate them.  Danny will be working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so we'll have to figure something out as far as a Christmas dinner is concerned.  The kids and I went and bought him a couple of gifts the other day while he was at work.  Haley and Cory helped me wrap them.  It was such a great experience to teach my two oldest kiddos how to wrap presents.  Of course, Haley says she only likes wrapping the ones in boxes.  She's definitely my child!  Cory mostly enjoyed eating the chocolate covered pretzels that somehow made their way to the table.

Alex and Emily are enjoying their time together.  Emily is going to miss him so much when he has to go back to school.  They really are best-friends.  She just mopes around the house most days while he's in school, but when he gets home, she'll drop everything and run to him.  Then she's hugging him and asking him to come and play with her.  He's a good big brother and will typically entertain her wishes for a little while, then he wants to play his video games or have a snack.  But Emily just follows that boy all over the house, like his shadow.

I'm not sure who learned it or where it was picked up from, but one of my favorite things that they do now is when they're giving each other a kiss on the cheek, one of them says to the other "now we're married".  It's adorable.  Of course, I've tried to convince them both that they can't marry each other because they are brother and sister, but Emily does it with everyone when they kiss her now.  She'll just look right into your eyes and say "now we're married".  I try so hard not to laugh and smile at her, but she is just too stinking cute!

I always know when one of my kids isn't feeling well though, all they want to do is snuggle.  And that's all Alex has been doing today really, just snuggling.  I don't mind it at all.  He's a great little snuggle bug.  I love to tickle him, too.  He's super ticklish and his laugh is just too cute.  So even though he isn't feeling well, I've been making him smile and laugh with a little bit of tickling during cuddle time. 

My kids are honestly what keep me going each and every day.  If I didn't have their sweet smiles, adorable laughs and outrageous comments to brighten my day, I don't know what I would do?
I really hope my little guy feels better in the morning though.

Off to bed, I need some sleep before these kids wake up.

Phew!

I managed to find the motivation to finally get the remaining things needed for Christmas.  I have also addressed, stuffed and licked 73 envelopes containing our Christmas cards.  Now all I need to do is wrap gifts.... :-(  MOM!  Come and help, please?

Danny is working so much that I have to do everything without him and it makes me feel like a horrible wife.  But if I wait for him to be here, we'll have crazy crowds of people and empty shelves to deal with.  I can't win I tell ya.  I know one thing though, he'll be just as surprised as the kids come Christmas morning, haha.

I was supposed to have a photo shoot tomorrow morning while Danny is at his VA appointment, but the shoot cancelled due to some sick kiddos.  I understand and am not upset at all about it, which is weird for me, usually I'm a little bit bothered by having a cancellation, especially with less than 24 hours notice.  But, since tomorrow is actually one of Danny's rare days off, I'm not bothered at all.  It gives me a little more time to spend with him and the kids and that's okay with me.

Speaking of the kids, they've only been on Winter break for like two days and they are already "bored".  This is going to be a long two weeks.  I did get one thing out of them so far though, clean rooms!  I told them Santa was bringing them anything unless their rooms were spotless!  (an hour later, all three rooms were clean).  And this "Elf on the shelf" thing is working pretty well.  My kids are actually helping out more and getting along better.  Every morning they wake up quickly and see who can find the Elf first.  His name is Jinx and he's a bit of a trouble maker, but he's pretty funny as well.  Even my husband gets excited to come home and hear the kids tell him what the Elf has been up to while he was away.

But coming up with fun and somewhat unique ideas for the Elf is a challenge.  I like to think I'm a crafty person, but I don't want to sit for hours trying to come up with some elaborate ruse for the kids every night.  So, I resort to Pinterest.  I have found loads of really fun ideas and I think to myself, "I can do that, that'd be awesome!"  Then, I lose my motivation to actually gather all the required materials together to make that idea happen.

So, we are excited for Christmas to get here in a few days.  We do wish that we had some family or friends coming to help celebrate with us, but hopefully next year we can make something happen.  But for this year, we'll stick to enjoying our little family and do our best to make some amazing memories in our new home.  We still need to bake and decorate cookies, but I think that's Tuesday's to-do item.  Wednesday we are having the Elders over for Christmas Eve dinner.  I have no idea what I'm making yet?  Then, the toughest part, keeping the kids in bed until Danny is home from work Christmas morning.  That should be fun!  Our kids are usually late sleepers, which is weird because me and my siblings never were and I know my mom wished we would have slept in at least once.  My four just have never been early risers on Christmas, but watch, because I need them to sleep in this year, they'll be up at like 6am!!

I should probably get to wrapping so I'm not up until 2am, but I think I'd rather stalk my friends on FB.  Night!

The art of procrastination

pro·cras·ti·nate

verb \prə-ˈkras-tə-ˌnāt, prō-\

: to be slow or late about doing something that should be done : to delay doing something until a later time because you do not want to do it, because you are lazy, etc.

 

This defines me to a "T" right now.  I have gifts that still need to be purchased and wrapped... but I don't want to fight all the traffic and the crazy crowds of people.  I have Christmas cards printed, but keep putting off getting the addresses I need and then writing out all of the envelopes.  (And, I will be saving the licking of the envelopes for Danny, haha).  So Christmas cards might make it out by Easter if you're lucky!

 

I never used to be this way.  I used to be very punctual about things; I disliked going to bed until my entire house was clean because I didn't want to wake up to a mess in the morning.  I felt that a messy house was a good way to start the day off on the wrong foot.  Now, I just don't feel like doing those dishes that are sitting in the sink because my pillow sounds more inviting.  I don't feel like doing laundry because I know that before I'm even finished washing everything, there will be new dirty clothes that need to be washed.  I seriously dislike dusting and vacuuming, but with Alex's allergies, that has to get done regularly, otherwise he suffers and I can't have that.

 

Honestly though, I feel that Danny and his procrastination have rubbed off on me over the past 12 years.  This is not a good thing by the way.  I need to figure out how to get my old self back, and quick!  I don't like messes, disorganization, clutter, dirt... but I have 4 kids and a husband and none of them like to help me clean.  Maybe it's time to set up the tent on the back porch and make them all live out there until they are ready to help out more with the housework?  Eh, setting up the tent is too much work tonight, maybe tomorrow?  Nope, tomorrow is Sunday, can't work on Sunday's... guess it will have to wait for Monday?  (see what I'm doing here??)

 

You know, there are still boxes that need to be unpacked and I'm certain that the things I can't seem to find are probably in those boxes, but I don't want to have to put everything else that's in those boxes away, too. 

 

I have so much more I could add to this blog, but I'm suddenly feeling very tired.  Time for bed.  Good night!

Count your many blessings

I have a lot to be thankful in my life; my kids, my husband, and his job, our home, two working vehicles, decent health, food to eat... the list goes on.  But there is one thing that I am the most thankful for though, and that is the blessing of the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.  This hasn't always been the case, I mean, I've always known about the Gospel, but I didn't apply it to my life; didn't take the time to learn all I could about it.  And now, I wish that I had started learning about it a long time ago.  But I know that God has a plan for us, and for me at least, I was meant to have this Gospel shared with me thru some very special people, Missionaries.

I know that most of you know which ones I'm talking about.  They sometimes ride around on bicycles, other times they walk and occasionally they even drive cars.  They show up at your door wanting to share a special message with you.  Many people shut them out, refusing to hear the message that they are there to share.  I know first hand now that for these young men and women it's hard for them to have those doors shut, but they are strong and faithful and leave with their heads held high and continue to press forward, searching for those who will take the time to listen to what they have to share. 

I've had the honor and privilege of having fifteen of these young men and women in my home over the past fifteen months.  I am blessed to say that all of those who walked thru our door became very near and dear to our family.  We love them like they are our sons and daughters.  We fed them, helped with their laundry, cheered them up and just helped out in any way that we could so that they would feel a little less alone while they were so far from their families serving the Lord.

What they did for us was far greater than anything we could have done for them.  They taught us to love one another, to spend more time together as a family, to eat together as a family, pray as a family, read our scriptures as a family.  They taught us to be more patient, kind, understanding and more importantly, more forgiving.  Our family is stronger than ever before because of the time they took to help us learn how to be a better, more loving, family.  What a blessing!

Since our move from New York, we've been pretty sad.  We had to leave all of those wonderful Missionaries up there to continue serving others and the Lord.  We have Missionaries down here in Tennessee, but with Danny's schedule, it's hard to work out a time and date to meet.  But with the help of Facebook we are able to stay in contact with our Missionaries from New York.  Another wonderful blessing!

They always seem to know when we are in need of some Spiritual uplifting and they never hesitate to share comforting words, a relevant scripture, a past talk or a Mormon message video with us.  We always feel so much better after our chats with them.  They truly care about our family and want to help us any way that they can.  But, it's not just us that they care about, they care about everyone that they come into contact with.  They have such big, compassionate hearts and are always ready to help someone in need, never expecting anything in return.

My family and I learned so much from each of them.  We know that they will continue to be a part of our lives for a long, long time and that makes us very happy.  Yet another treasured blessing in our lives.

A difficult obstacle

Some of you are aware, but most are not, that I have a bit of a heart condition.  It's a condition that is actually quite common and most people live with it without having any real negative side effects.  For me however, that is not the case.  The condition is referred to as PVC's (Premature Ventricular Contraction).  Simply explained, it is the occurrence of "extra" heart beats.  The doctors are unsure of exactly what caused this condition to plague me, though they gave me a number of possible culprits; stress, caffeine, anxiety, sudden weight gain, fatigue and illness.  (or any combination of all of the above). 

For me, this started while I was pregnant with my oldest child.  I was about 23 weeks along when the irregular heart beats began.  Most people would describe the feeling of these extra heart beats as "a fluttering" or like their "heart skipped a beat".  For me, it's much different.  PVC's are not typically painful and don't usually last long.  Most people only experience one or two extra beats a day and barely notice that anything is wrong.  For me though, this just isn't the case.  In fact, mine are so powerful and last so long that I have actually had to go to the emergency room to get my heart checked. 

So, at about 23 weeks pregnant, all of the sudden I have this ridiculous pain in my chest, my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest.  I let Danny drive me to the ER.  Upon arrival I was immediately taken to a room and set up on a 12 lead heart monitor.  I wasn't hooked up more than two minutes before the doctor rushed in, very panicked, watched me, watched the monitor and then stated that he needed to make some phone calls.  After about 10 minutes he returned and told me and Danny that I was going to be airlifted to the hospital in Nashville.  What?!  What's wrong with my heart?!  Is my baby okay??  They were more worried about my heart....

Five minutes later, I was being moved onto a special gurney and wheeled out to the helipad and loaded onto a Blackhawk helicopter.  Roughly five minutes later, we were landing on the roof of Vanderbilt University hospital.  (this is a 45-60 minute drive away from Fort Campbell, and Danny had to drive that night, poor guy).

They immediately took me to labor and delivery.  I was not my calm, rational self at this point because no one was telling my anything.  I was in an immense amount of pain and the doctors wanted to give me something to relieve the pain.  (I am still unsure of what they gave me, but I wish I knew).  Seconds after they administered the drug, my heart went even more crazy.

I could feel myself falling in and out of consciousness and I knew that something was terribly wrong, but I still didn't know or understand what was going on.  I knew that they were hooking up monitors to keep an eye on my baby girl, but that was about it.  And so far she seemed to be fine, which was great news.

The doctors ran many tests including an ECG and also did an ultrasound of my heart, but were left unsatisfied with the results.  The PVC's eventually started to calm and they continued to monitor me (& Haley) in labor and delivery for a few more hours.  After about six more hours in labor and delivery, I was transferred up to the cardiology unit.  I was placed on a Holter monitor for the next 24 hours.  They determined that I was suffering from sustained runs of multifocal PVC bigeminy, trigeminy and quadrigeminy.  Big words, right?  I feel your pain.  There are four different named patterns of regularly occurring PVCs. Depending whether there are 1, 2, or 3 normal beats between each PVC, the rhythm is called bigeminy, trigeminy, or quadrigeminy. Unifocal PVC's are triggered from a single site in the ventricle, causing the peaks on the ECG to look the same. Multifocal PVC's arise when more than one site in the ventricles initiate depolarization, causing each peak on the ECG to have a different shape. If 3 or more PVC's occur in a row it may be called ventricular tachycardia.  Meaning, these PVC's could cause cardiac death. 

Well, I wanted to know what was wrong, right?  Ummm, now I'm thinking I would prefer to be kept in the dark on what all that means... I mean, really, who wants to go around worrying that the PVC's they keep having could kill them?

So, what to do about them??  Well, the cardiologist suggested a Beta Blocker.  Two catches with this treatment, the first, you can't be pregnant while taking this medication.  Second, Beta Blockers can possibly make the condition worse.  Worse?!  The only thing worse would be death!  Umm... I think I'll pass on that option Doc, but thanks for the suggestion.  (little info, once you start taking a Beta Blocker, you have to be weaned off, you cannot just stop taking it as that could cause heart failure).  This just keeps getting better....

So, we decided that we would just keep an eye on the PVC's for a while and re-evaluate at a later time.  (when I wasn't pregnant). 

Fast forward 3 years... I now have two kids and we're stationed in Germany.  The PVC's are now causing me to pass out (from the pain), sometimes for hours at a time.  This can't be good...  After much coaxing from Danny, I finally returned to the doctor for some suggestions.  I was apprehensive because of what I was told the last time and really didn't want to go because I felt like it was a waste of time, they weren't going to tell me anything I didn't already know.

This doctor ran an EKG and sure enough, PVC's, and the concern on her face was immediately evident.  No life flight this time though.  We sat in her office and she suggested the Beta Blocker.  But, I received the same warning as before.  Once it's started you cannot just stop taking it and there is a good chance that because pain medications such as Tylenol and Motrin cause my PVC's to get stronger, that the Beta Blocker will likely also have a negative side effect.  Well, that settles it, no Beta Blocker for me!  I am not taking that chance, no way!  I don't know about all of you, but for me, death just isn't an acceptable side effect.

I have been living with these painful and obnoxious PVC's for over 12 years now.  Most of the time I don't pay attention to them, but there are times that they demand my attention.  Stress is the biggest trigger for me.  They cause me to feel faint, nauseous and light-headed from time-to-time.  Rarely now do they cause me to pass out, but thankfully I always know when that is about to happen so I can prepare by lying down.  I have only fallen from passing out a couple of times.  (I know, I know... that isn't good).  I have good days and I have bad days.  Some days I can barely function because of the pain associated with my PVC's.  On those days, I recall very little and feel as if I am in a fog, everything is hazy and those are the days I dread. 

There is no cure.  There are things I can do to try and "manage" them, but I have tried all of those things and have been unsuccessful so far.  I do not take pain meds unless absolutely necessary.  I avoid caffeine.  I try to ensure that I get plenty of sleep and try to avoid stress when possible.

Avoiding stress and anxiety is definitely difficult.  This is one specific example of a huge trigger for me; With my recent return to the church, I have been put on the spot a couple of times and asked to offer a prayer.  For anyone else this wouldn't be such a big deal, but I get nervous speaking in front of people (and especially around people I don't know very well).  I don't know why, I just do.  I want to be able to tell them "sure, I'd be happy to offer the prayer", but I can't.  I am physically incapable of standing once I get that nervous/anxious feeling.  I will pass out.  I will have chest pains so severe I won't be able to think straight, let alone speak.  I am not able to overcome this obstacle at this time in my life and that saddens me.  I am nervous that they will one day ask me to give a talk during Sacrament meeting.  I have such a hard time declining when asked, but I know that the end result would be me in an ambulance.

I have come to terms with the fact that there is a real possibility that one of these days, these PVC's could cause my heart to go into cardiac arrhythmia.  (I could die, which would be bad).  Because of this, I make a conscience choice each day to do my best and to be the best person I can be.  Life is short and unfortunately, mine may be shorter than I want.  So I try to enjoy the time I have been given each and every day.  Some days are definitely better than others. In the end, I just want to see my kids happy and watch them enjoy life.  I want to see my friends happy and to help them however I can.  I want to spend time with my family, because family is so important.  I want to treasure each and every moment I have with my family and friends because I don't know if I'll be given a tomorrow...  But I try not to dwell on that thought.  I really try to focus on the here and now and to be thankful for what I do have.  I have so many things to be grateful and thankful for, so many I can't count them all.

I just want to end by saying that I am so very blessed to have such amazing family and friends, whom I love so much.  I know that there are so many of you who would do anything you could to help me and my family, and many of you already have helped so much.  Thank you.  I appreciate all of the love, and support, from each and every one of you.

A little assistance

In trying to keep positive this evening, I am going to start with today's highlights.  This morning we were to be at our church building at 9:45am to pick up some food from our church's food pantry.  The food was being delivered by truck at 10am.  We arrived at 9:47 and what we saw absolutely amazed us.  There were many cars in the parking lot in addition to ours, all waiting on the arrival of this truck.  Being a bit naïve, I thought that there would only be a handful of people, maybe, that were there to get assistance with food.  Never once did it occur to me that there would be 23 other families all in need of food at our church building.

This was our first time receiving this kind of help in the 15 years I've been away from home and for the 12 years we've been married.  I never thought we would be the ones who needed this kind of help as we're usually the ones giving to those in need.  But as I mentioned in my first blog, we've come upon some pretty tough times since separating from the Army.

The truck driver and his passenger began to unload the truck.  Twenty-four families patiently waited their turn.  There was no pushing, shoving, rude comments, or any other negativity displayed.  Instead, many were helping with the unloading and the carrying of these mostly heavy containers full of food for these families.  Danny and I started to assist after the 2nd family had received their food items and even though we were the fourth family to get our food, we stayed until the last family received theirs, helping to load and carry.  All that time, just over an hour and a half, Emily sat patiently in the van waiting for us to finish up.

What a huge blessing to know that our church is stepping up and helping families in such a huge way!  I am proud to be a member of this wonderful church.

We left, but only after all the containers had been emptied and loaded back onto the truck.

What a wonderful way to start the day.  We headed home to unload our food and put it all away.  Afterwards, Danny and I took a break and watched the movie "The Maze Runner".  It was pretty good, though I didn't read the books, so I have no idea how close to the book it stayed, but it was a good way to spend time together.

I had a photo session at 3pm with a great little family.  They have a brand new baby boy, John, who is around 3 weeks old now.  The session went really well and I had a good time working with them.  Now if I could just find the motivation to work on their photos, I'd be in good shape, haha.

After the session was finished I spent some time with Haley trying to motivate her to clean her room.  Any parent of a 12 year old girl knows that this is not an easy task.  I don't understand how a kid with the OCD that mine has, (which she got from me), can live in such filth in her own room, but not in the rest of my house?!  Danny came down just after 4pm to let me know he was up and getting ready for work.  Four more hours of overtime and four more hours not spent with his family... trying to stay positive is hard!

I went upstairs and made the kids some dinner and tried to bribe my youngest two to eat by offering to take them to Sonic for ice cream if they ate all their dinner.  It didn't work.

Then it was time to take the older two to their Wednesday night activities.  Cory does Boy Scouts with our church and Haley does Young Women's.  Tonight, Haley was supposed to go caroling at a retirement center about 15 minutes from our house.  And Cory was supposed to be at the church.  The problem here is that Haley told me that they were meeting at the church first, then driving to the retirement center.  So, to the church I went (only five minutes from our home).  Only we get there, and no one else is there for Haley's group.  Hmmm.... so we waited a bit.... still no one.  Well, try explaining to your 12 year old that she can't go now because I am not a magician and I cannot be in two places at the same time.  That didn't go so well, though she did handle it a little better than I expected.  (at least there was no blood shed).

After Scouts was done we went to Sonic, because I had told the older two that if they ate all their food, they could have ice cream as well.  And I try very hard to keep my word.  Of course, once we got there, the younger two thought they were getting some as well.  You would have thought I was killing them when I told them that since they didn't finish their dinners they weren't getting any.  Wow.  I still have that headache from listening to the 3 year old scream at me.

I love my kids, but most days I am happiest once they are all in bed, asleep.  It's honestly my favorite time of the day.  When it's quiet and peaceful and I can think without some little person coming in and interrupting me with something crazy.  It's the time of day when I can sit down and reflect upon all that has happened throughout the day and try to be thankful for all that I have. 

Tonight I realize that even though today wasn't perfect, it was a good day.  Danny and I received much needed food assistance, but at the same time, we were able to help others.  Oh, and that photo session I mentioned earlier, it was a free session.  I'm all about giving to those in need, including using my talent with photography to give priceless images to such deserving families.  And I hope and pray that I am showing my kids by example, the kind of wonderful, caring, giving people I would love for them to become.  Because honestly, the world needs more people who care. 

All-in-all, not a bad day.

What a blessed day!

Today started off the same as most days around here do, waking up our oldest daughter at 5:40am so she can begin getting ready for school.  After getting her out the door and being almost finished getting the two boys ready for school, a little voice in my head told me I should log into our banking app, so I did.  What I saw immediately made me look upward and say "thank you!".  For weeks we've been praying for a miracle and this morning, we received one.  The Army had made a deposit into our account.  We are still unsure of exactly what this money was being paid for (there are many things the Army owes us money for at the moment) but it's just enough money to make sure we can pay our rent on January 1st and for now, that's enough to make me smile and lift some of this weight off of our shoulders.

Sometimes it's super hard to be patient and wait for the things that you really need.  But prayers, patience and lots of faith, finally paid off.  This brought so much relief and has helped us to be able to enjoy other blessings more fully today.  One in particular is our littlest princess.  She is such a sweet little girl, but she definitely has a strong-willed personality when she wants something.  I am grateful that she is able to stand up for herself, especially in a way that isn't mean or violent.  She just doesn't back down easily.  We have actually found that it is really hard to tell her no.  The faces she makes when she's talking to you are too cute.  And, when you ask her for a kiss, she'll give you one, almost always on the lips.  And then she'll look right at you and say "now we're married".  I have no idea how that response was started, but it's super adorable and always makes us smile. 

We have definitely been blessed with 4 wonderful children.  They get along pretty well, but have their moments when they just need some space from one another.  They use their manners on a pretty regular basis so I really can't complain there.  I suppose I could ask that they would listen a little better, but then again, they are 12, 10, 5 and 3.... maybe they'll listen when they're in their 30's?!  lol

I am so grateful that they are happy, healthy children.  And though at times they make me want to pull my hair out, I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.  So today, after they came home from school, we spent some extra special time together just hanging out and having fun; something we haven't done in a while because of all the stress we've been juggling.  It was refreshing and I had a great time with them.  The day ended happily and the kids were put to bed with hugs & kisses and they all had huge smiles on their faces.  What more could a mother want?

A new journey begins...

I created this page many years ago with the intention of using it to help family stay up-to-date with all of our goings on, but sadly, I just never got into it.  Now, many years later, I have finally decided to change the purpose of this blog and try again.  This time I plan to use it as a way to help myself remember the important things in my life. 

Recently our family went through a lot of changes, several of those changes are still affecting us and causing us stresses we've never encountered before.  To really understand what we are faced with right now, I suppose you need a little history...

A little over 12 years ago, my life changed in a way I never thought it would, I became a mom.  My beautiful baby girl gave me a new purpose in life.  And though I knew that it wouldn't be easy, I promised that no matter what challenges we faced, I would never give up.  I got married to her dad just 3 months after she was born.  A week later, I was separated from the Army.  The very next day, my husband left us for a 1 year deployment to Iraq.

12 years later, we have 4 amazing kids who bring us so much joy each day.  But the changes that I mentioned earlier have taken their toll on us.  My husband was recently separated from the Army; Medically Retired due to physical ailments he has sustained during his 16 years as an active duty Soldier.

We were given just under 6 months to prepare for this life changing event and every step of the way we have been met with hurdles we could have never imagined.  We've always lived on the military installation we were assigned to which means that we've never had to worry about buying a home or having to pay more in rent than the Army paid us.  We've never had to worry about utilities such as gas, water, electricity and trash.  Health insurance is also a new financial responsibility for us.  When in the employment of the Army, health care is included for the most part.  Now, we have to pay.

The disability that the VA is supposed to pay us is simply not going to be enough to cover our new expenses.  So my husband was forced to find work immediately upon separation.  Thankfully prayers were answered and he was able to find employment, but the pay just isn't enough.  And so we continue to struggle. 

Having to start my photography business over again has also been such a huge task.  One that I am sad to say is proving to be more than I am able to handle at the moment.  I am getting some business since we arrived at our new home and for that I am grateful.  But it isn't anywhere near what I had established in NY and that is causing serious depression for me.  It's hard to start over.

We miss NY more than we ever thought possible.  The friends we made while stationed there are missed dearly and my kids and I cry often thinking about them. 

But giving up isn't an option as we have 4 children who depend on us to take care of them and provide for them as we always have.  Each morning it is a challenge for me to find the motivation to get up and take care of them, but somehow I manage.  I never thought that being a mom would be this hard.  I know that this new adventure is going to be full of challenges, but I am now trying to see the silver linings; the blessings that are given to us each and every day.

Today, I am thankful that even though we are still struggling, at least we're together in a safe, warm home.

I am going to do my best to keep this as up-to-date as I can.  So please, feel free to follow along as our family makes this transition.  Maybe you'll read something that will inspire you as you follow us on this crazy new journey...